Things I’ve learned in Pre-Clerkship (exerpt from The Droopy Lid)

1. Wilson’s Disease is a rare autosomal recessive disorder of copper metabolism. It is characterized by excessive deposition of copper in the liver, brain, and other tissues.
2. A BMI over 30 means you are obese. Yes, even if you are muscular.
3. The way around MSB…sort of.
4. Everything about Kartagener’s Syndrome.
5. It you don’t like what’s in the cafeteria, just wait. It will be entirely redone this summer. And the one after that…and the one after that.
6. Lockers are for show only.
7. Anyone who wears a headset microphone automatically turns into Madonna.
8. No matter how much you try to blend in, your newbie-ness always sticks out on the wards.
9. The difference between the Ottawa Charter and the Jakarta Accords.
10. The most useful clinical test over: the liver scratch test.
11. Putting on a French accent to say “ballotment” doesnt make you cool.
12. What happens on weekend is steatosis.
13. Multiple choice marks are ALWAYS subject to interpretation.
14. There are many causes of droopy lids.
15. 1/3 of your class has herpes.
16. The answer is 1/3. Always.
17. PBL is important.
18. Exams are races.
19. There is no such thing as a free lung. Except when it is free.
20. Surprisingly, I have every disease we have learned about.
21. The swim I took in Lake Malawi might have been a bad choice.
22. How to make a Soon-Yi Swift smoothie. In great detail.
23. You can find out who the hard core people are by looking aroudn class on the last day.
24. The most important question in taking a complete history: “Men, women, or both?”
25. Even f you are trying really hard to avoid getting parasites (#21), it’s still ok to have feces in your salad.
26. Careers can wait. Your eggs can not. HAVE BABIES NOW!
27. By the end of first year, you will have seen most of your ASCM 1 group in various stages of nakedness.
28. ENTs are hot.
29. What “P” stands for in the mnemonic for the branches of the external carotid artery: “As She Lay Flat, Oscar’s P_ _ _ _ Slid Magnificantly”
30. How to take the TTC to Jane and Fitch in under 30 min. to get to a DOCH placement.
31. It’s great to practice ASCM1 on your friends. Not so much ASCM 2.
32. Fits is the coolest. Although I’m not entirely sure why.
33. If asked in PBL, always say you used Harrison’s. Everyone knows you used Wikipedia anyway.
34. Bad weather will stop your tutors from getting to you. Neither wind, rain, snow, ice, hurricanes, tyhoons, nor anything else should ever stop you from getting to your tutors - or you’ll get a minor lapse.